The Crucible… No, Not That Crucible

 

 Image source:  http://billyhumphrey.com/2014/02/21/waiting-on-the-lord-the-crucible-of-purification/

You may be familiar with the play The Crucible by Arthur Miller.  We’re not talking about that today.  Today we’re talking about our own personal crucibles.  So what exactly is a crucible?  Sounds terrible doesn’t it?  The trusty Merriam-Webster dictionary gives us 3 definitions:

1.       a vessel of a very refractory material (as porcelain) used for melting and calcining a substance that requires a high degree of heat

2.       a severe test

3.       a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change or development

(Encyclopedia Britannica, 2015)

When we relate this to life we could be referring to one of the worst trials we have ever been through.  Perhaps we might be dealing with death or loss of a loved one, infertility, or severe illness.  Whatever it may be it is certainly life changing.  It depends on our perspective whether that crucible changes our lives for the good or the bad.  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

If we so choose, we can use this serious trial as a refinement period.  We can actually use the adversary for our benefit.  We can gain strength and resilience, adapt to life in a positive way, and actually come out better than we were before.  We can also grow closer as a family. (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

Keeping a gospel centered perspective, we know that Christ’s atonement wasn’t just for our sins.  He felt all of our pains and sorrows too.  If there is anyone who would ever know exactly what we’re going through its Him.  And while the pains of life can’t always be prevented, the pain they cause can be healed.  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

Forgive and Forget Not

I don’t necessarily agree with the phrase “forgive and forget”.  When I am wronged by someone, it is always my goal to forgive, but I don’t necessarily want to forget what happened.  You see we can allow the memory to fade, to not be constantly at the forefront of our minds, but if we forget completely we are leaving the window open for the offense to happen again.  We can take responsibility to protect ourselves from becoming victims again.  We remain in control of our happiness by setting boundaries and controlling who we let be a part of our lives or how much they can be a part of our lives.  We teach others how to treat us.  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

This is a lesson I had to learn very young in life.  Of all the places that should be safe to have friends, I was bullied at church.  I had to realize that I didn’t go to church to make friends.  I went to church because I loved the gospel.  I wasn’t going to allow these mean girls to keep me from church.  I could act kind and cordial to them and pretend to get along, but not have to be best friends and hang out with them outside of church.

From these experiences I developed and fine-tuned my “Cray-dar” (crazy radar) as one friend calls it.  I have learned to pick up on the crazy vibes women let off early on so I know that to keep myself from getting hurt I shouldn’t let the friendship go past a certain point.  There are LOTS of crazies out there, but I have been able to weed through and find the ones that are truly golden friends.  So It’s not that I don’t have any friends at all, I just stay in control of the types of friends I let in closer while still being kind to everyone.

This can be applied to other relationships as well.  In our families if trust has been broken, we can forgive but we still need to set boundaries to help insure that the offense doesn’t happen again.  It’s just helping you both stay accountable.  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

Forget-me-nots Image Source:  http://outlandishobservations.blogspot.com/2012/04/friday-fun-facts-4202012.html

 

HOLD TO HOPE

Image source:  http://www.believerclothingco.com/#!shop/c1mxe/products/hold-to-hope-teal

I NEED this shirt! (hint, hint Santa :D )

My dad is a stake president.  He has never really sat with our family during church for almost my whole life because he was always in a bishopric, high council, or stake presidency.  My grandfather has been in similar callings as well as a mission president and he is now the stake patriarch.  All of my aunts, uncles and cousins have been sealed to their spouses in the temple up to this point.  We have a strong pioneer heritage.  Faith runs in our blood for generations.  I’m not bragging by any means, with those bigger callings come greater responsibilities and time away from your family.  It isn’t easy and we’ve always been put on this sort of spiritual pedestal.  Many would be shocked to know that our family is not immune to the grasps of Satan.  Did you know that there are even prophets and apostles that have family members who struggle with serious moral transgressions?  It’s true.  No family is spared the fear of losing a loved one to sin.  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

When I learned that my brother was gay and intended to marry a man, let’s just say I went through a tsunami of emotions.  (DISCLAIMER:  This is NOT a debate as to whether or not being gay is a sin or if gay marriage should be legalized, etc.  For the purposes of this post all you need to know is my belief is that the attraction to the same gender itself is not a sin, but acting on it is.  End of discussion.)  I learned the hard way that I handled things VERY wrong.  My fear for his salvation brought out anger for him being so stupid and breaking up our eternal family.  I thought I could bully him into submission and force him to change his mind.  That only strained our relationship, caused him to stop talking to me, and pushed him even farther away.  I reacted as Satan wanted me to instead of acting in a Christ like manner.  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

Now I’m not telling the whole story here and I wasn’t the only one hurt by this new development in our family.  Being a mother myself I know the love a parent has for their child and I can only scratch the surface when it comes to the deep hurt, disappointment, and fear that our parents felt.  They felt completely lost.  But they are much wiser and learned much faster than I did that an increase of love is the ONLY way to handle these types of situations.  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

When I married into my husband’s family, I knew it was for a reason.  It was because they were all crazy and they needed me to fix them :)  haha!  But little did I know that one day they would help fix me.  Interestingly enough, my father in-law has lived this very same experience with his own brothers.  Yes, brothers…two of them.  If there was anyone in this world that knew how I felt it was him!  And with his love and guidance I came to realize that all I could do was love my brother and his partner and hold to hope.   That’s what he’s been doing for over 30 years.

When we feel like we have exhausted all efforts we need to hand it over to the Lord and trust in Him.  The covenants and promises we make as parents are stronger than we might think.  President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “Those born under the covenant, throughout all eternity, are the children of their parents.  Nothing except the unpardonable sin, or sin unto death, can break this tie.”  (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012)

I have found my own comfort and peace while taking my troubles to the Lord in the temple.  I have been reminded of the power of the promises those covenants we make in the temple hold.  I know that as long as we hold close to those temple covenants, Heavenly Father will keep his end of the deal.  When it seems that we just can’t do any more, we must always HOLD TO HOPE.